Of Papers and Pickup Lines
by pinoykengumi7
Summary: In which Roy attempts to capture Riza’s heart with his hopeless pick-up lines. HAPPY ROYAI DAY!


**Of Papers and Pick-up Lines**

By, **pinoykengumi7**

**Disclaimer:**I don't own Full Metal Alchemist or its characters.

**Rating: **K+

**Pairing: **Roy Mustang x Riza Hawkeye

**Genre**: Humor/Romance

**Summary: **In which Roy attempts to capture Riza's heart with his hopeless pick-up lines.

OMG. HAPPY ROYAI DAY!!!

It's been exactly a year since I've written Royai, so if things seem strange, well, blame it on that xD

--Duckii Mustang

-

Roy Mustang sat at his desk. His eyebrows were furrowed and his nostrils flared in a most unattractive way. But that was okay with him, after all, there was only one woman who he wanted to impress, and that was Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye who was not in the office at that very moment.

"Um, Taisa?" Havoc uncertainly ventured, ducking as a scrunched up piece of paper sailed his way. "What are you doing?"

"Shut up. Can't you see that I'm trying to scribe my poetic feelings on a piece of paper?" Roy shook his head in exasperation at the 5 men that were lazing at their desks, watching him throw another wad of paper at Havoc's head.

Havoc picked up the offending projectile from the floor, opened it up and slowly read. "_Every time you shoot me, I feel like Cupid has just shot an arrow through my heart._" Havoc felt a headache coming on.

"I thought you were writing Lieutenant Hawkeye poems, but this is a pick-up line. And a terribly written one as well. One would have thought that the rumoured woman killer had better pick-up lines than this junk." Breda lazily picked his nose and flicked it across to Fuery, who edged away with a slight look of disgust. "Don't look at me like that; Taisa's _poetic feelings_ are much more disgusting."

"True." Havoc waved another piece of paper in the air, and the room fell silent again. "_If you were an alchemy circle, I'd be your tangent."_

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA." Tears of mirth rolled down everyone's eyes, except Armstrong's, who was more preoccupied with flexing his muscles and filling the room with his purple sparkles.

"Ah, these crazy state alchemists." Breda choked. "Who told you that one anyway? It sounds too intelligent to come from the Colonel."

Roy glared. "It was from the Full Metal Shrimp."

"HE USED IT ON YOU? HAHAHAHA."

"NO! I heard him using it on his mechanic."

"You two are on the same level when it comes to love. Bad at making pick-up lines, and hopeless for falling in love with violent women."

"Well—" Roy indignantly started, but was interrupted by Fuery's quiet voice.

"How about something like…," the bespectacled man paused for a moment. "Something like, Sciezska may be able to make copies of books, but no one will ever be able to copy my love for you?"

The room was silent, save for the sound of Armstrong's flexing muscles.

"YOU'VE LEARNED WELL FROM YOUR MASTER!" Havoc's sudden outburst surprised everyone. "But," he winked, "are you speaking from experience? There's something going on between you and Sciezska, isn't there?"

"N-no?" Fuery squirmed in his seat uncomfortably.

"Well, at least someone in this room has a successful relationship happening. There's Havoc who fails at love, Falman who's in love with his dictionary, Taisa who is too scared to confess to the Lieutenant and," Breda's eyebrow twitched as Armstrong smiled a dazzling smile his way. "And Armstrong who is in love with his muscles and family traditions."

Roy rubbed his temples, feeling a headache rapidly coming on. Why, oh why did he have to be stuck with a bunch of men this stupid?

"Just so you know I have a lot more lines that are sure to capture Riza's heart."

"Oh?" The men leaned in, preparing themselves for another hearty laugh. "Let's hear them."

Roy picked up the piece of paper on his desk and recited, "_You look cold, let me warm you up with my flames_. _Your gun may run out of bullets, but I will never run out of love for you_." The Flame Alchemist grinned smugly. "And this is my ultimate killer."

Roy confidently started to read, failing to notice the sudden silence that came over the office. "_Are you a thief?—_"

A calloused yet elegant hand plucked the piece of paper from his grasp and a feminine voice continued reading. "_Because you stole my heart._"

"L-Lieutenant Hawkeye!" Roy was clearly shaken, but he still retained a bit of that previous confidence as he stared down the barrel of her pistol. "When did you get here?"

"Just then. And if you have time to be writing such trivial things," she shot the piece of paper a few good times and watched the pieces fall slowly to the ground. "Then you should use it instead to do something more productive."

Riza was quick to dodge Roy's attempt at pulling her into a hug, and instead he tripped over Black Hayate, and landed with his face flat on his desk and a whole stack of papers floating to the floor that he had knocked over on his way down.

The blonde-haired lady bent over and whispered in his ear so none of their comrades could hear, "And if you really want me that bad, I think you should improve your pick-up lines and then I'll reconsider."

The Flame Alchemist smiled stupidly as his Lieutenant left the room; his face still plastered to the table. She had rejected him this time, but he was going to try again, and this time he had the perfect pick-up line coming from the Flame Alchemist, just for her.

_Do you smell something burning? Oh wait, that's just my heart burning for you. _

_-_

- END -

**Author's Notes**

_Taisa _– Translates to Colonel.

Argh, dodgy. Oh well, again, happy Royai Day!

Support their canon love by reviewing :D


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